my routine colors my life.

sometimes i just enjoy it so much

sometimes it just so sucks

it's kinda sad that it makes my time with my love fewer

but then i take it as positive that this is the time that we could test our love,

we could see how tough is our love

how deep is our love

is this just a love game or real love

it's getting hard for the first time

but i'm starting to accept all the conditions

i try to trust my life partner.

i don't want to call him just a boyfriend

but he is my life partner

benci untuk mencinta

oh betapa ku menyadari ku benci untuk mencintaimu

oh betapa ku menyadari ku cinta untuk membencimu

aku tak tahu apa yang terjadi antara aku dan kau

yang ku tahu pasti ku benci untuk mencitai mu

-NAIF

bad boy thought lol, you wish girl!

i am a bad, bad boy
but fell in love with good girl.
she drives me crazy,
yes she is my drugs now,
and no more alcohol or weeds.
she makes me live,
she makes me fly, flying high to the stars,
she makes me see the most impossible thing,
she gives me hope, and my life just started,
she makes me right after all

15 April 2010

every thing so hard and so wrong because of me.
why me? why it seems like i am the one who always wrong?
i do not have the answer.
i dont know why.
everything seems so unfair.
maybe if you go alone, you will be more adventurous and free.

now each day seems harder, but i hope we will go stronger
we will still together and love each other.

copy from someone

WHEN I KNEW YOU,
I know...

I know that you are my lovely queen
I never felt crazy to someone like this before

And also,

I must prepared myself to had another broken heart again
I must prepared myself to realize that it is not as simple as I thought

WHEN I SEE YOUR EYES,
I know...

I know that it's the greatest and brightest of all the colour
I know that it implies honesty and nobleness heart of you

And also,

I know that it's reflected myself from your eyes
That I'm the most contemptible people in this world
And I know that it makes me mess

WHEN I SEE YOUR SMILE,
I know...

I know that it's the greatest moment of all my life

And also,

I know it gives me the biggest fear in my life
The biggest fear as I see your smile on the burden of life makes me look fragile and weak...

Cause I know,

I'm like a house of cards in a hurricane
I cant pretend myself to be strong and stable

WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE,
I know...

I know it's the greatest second of my life

And also,

I know that it makes me weak...
Cause every single word that I myself prepare to talk with you becomes lost

WHEN YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE,
I know...

I know that it won't be the same day as usual
Before you came into my life,
Days by days all fade in black and white
Since you came, everything has changed

And also,

I know that I must prepared myself to lose you from my life
Cause I know, it is not easy to get you

WHEN I'M WITH YOU,
I know...

I know that my heart feel happy that moment
I know that it is what I dreamed about
I know that it is what i want in my life
Being around you...
Always able to see your face and your smooth smile

And also,

I know it is my greatest weakness
I'm not perfect if I'm with you
I'm not as what you want

And probably,

I can't be with you like this forever
I know that your heart is not mine
I know that deepest in your heart, you still have your "DREAM"
I know that I am the most contemptible that is not worth to getting yourself

I try,

But, the fact is the condition aren't in my side
I failed

I try,

To find the key of your heart
But, it looks like you always avoid from me...

How long will I be waiting?
I just want to spend whole-night with you
I just want for one day,
One whole day with you

Cause when you walked away,

You left my life in disarray
You put me on the greatest curse of my life

I don't wanna lose you
But,You are so hard to hold

I won't let you go
But, I can't do that

I am such a broken man

How could it be me?
How could this happen to me??

beri waktu

aku memberi kamu waktu,
tapi kamu tahukan menunggu itu menyebalkan,
apalagi jika terlalu lama.
aku benci jika kenyataanya aku menanti keputusan pahit.
aku benci karena kau tidak perduli.
aku benci memohon padamu untuk memperpendek waktumu sendiri.

dan semua ini membuatku bertanya,
apakah cintamu masih sama seperti yang dulu?


:(

:(

aku tidak buta sejak lahir,
kegelapan ini & kesunyiannya yang dibawa menghiggapiku secara perlahan,
dengan murah hati memberiku waktu untuk mengucapkan selamat tinggal pada semua anugerah kehidupan yang didapat lewat penglihatan

inspiring

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

- copied from someone's writing

29 Desember 2009

Do it to me like it never hurt me!
Say it to me like it never meant to be!
Hide it from me like I never know about it!

THANKYOU for making me NUMB!

13 Desember 2009

Jody Picoult - Vanishing Act
pg. 521

" Ya ampun, kalau toh aku belajar sesuatu dari sidang sialan ini, yaitu bahwa satu-satunya cara seseorang bisa meninggalkanmu adalah bila kau membolehkannya. dan aku tidak akan melakukan itu, Dee. Mungkin kelihatannya begitu hari ini, besok, atau bahkan sebulan dari sekarang, tetapi suatu hari kau akan terbangun dan melihat bahwa sepanjang waktu kau pergi, sebenarnya kau hanya menuju kembali ke tempat kau mulai. dan aku akan ada di sana menunggu. " I bersandar ke depan & menciumku suatu kali, sangat ringan, pada bibirku. " Bukannya aku tidak membiarkanmu pergi," gumamnya. " Aku hanya cukup percaya kepadamu untuk pulang kembali."

21 November 2009

aku melihat dengan hatiku
kau sering berjalan dalam asa.
berjalan gentar melawan kesedihan
dan segala emosi yang kau pendam.
aku sering merasa kau setengah buta
dan tidak mau sembuh.
kau sering merasa setengah dan gagal

aku mungkin tidak tahu bagaimana rasanya
tetapi aku mencoba mengerti.
aku percaya dan yakin akan dirimu
aku yakin makanya aku terus bersamamu
dan aku tahu aku waras

13 November 2009 again

aku sedih
aku marah
aku kesal
aku jengkel
aku ingin nangis sekencang-kencangnya
aku ingin teriak sekencang-kencanya

aku lelah
aku capai
aku ingin berpura-pura
aku ingin kebal
aku ingin cuek
aku ingin tidak sensitif

TAPI AKU BUKAN KAMU
JADI AKU TIDAK BISA!

13 November 2009

aku ingin percaya kepadamu
tapi sulit sekali.
aku terus mencoba
tapi gagal & gagal.
berulang kali ketika sudah tumbuh sedikit kepercayaanku,
berulang kali juga kau meruntuhkannya.
apa aku terlalu erat menggengammu?

aku ingin, ingin sekali melihatmu terbang bebas
tapi aku takut sayapmu patah & kau terjatuh
maka aku terpaksa mengikatmu.

apa sebenarnya perasaanmu/

kadang aku begitu letih & lelah,
memberitahu hal yang sama kepadamu,
membiarkan emosiku tumpah untuk hal yang sama, dan terus berulang,
dan juga ketika menggenggammu seerat-eratnya.
tapi aku tidak tahu harus berbuat apa.
akalku habis karena sifatmu yang bagai bunglon,
yang berubah seiring waktu dan tempat.
aku seperti bertugas menebaknya.
aku sering gagal menebak maka aku bertanya,
tetapi kau malah jengkel.

mungkin aku harus berhenti untuk menjadi 'selalu' & membiarkan bebas saja ;(

kesediahan

kesedihan yang mendalam....
dapatkah dimengerti?
jika ya, dapatkah diselami?
jika ya, dapatkah dilukiskan?
jika ya, seberapa dalam?

seberapa mengertikah engkau para menikmat lukisan?
sedalam-dalamnya engkau tahu, engkau tidak mungkin mengerti
sesuatu yang tak kau rasakan, tak kau pegang & kau sentuh!

kecuali kau bisa memeluk lukisan sang pelukis